I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
