You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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