I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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