I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
