In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
