you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
