Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize