If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
