Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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