You smell like a Billy Joel song
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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