I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
