I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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