I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
