similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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