so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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