You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
