We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
