She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
MIDGETS
????
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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