the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize