dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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