I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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