I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
