While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
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