u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
