Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
