drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
