i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
