I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
