i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
