I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
