Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
