Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
