I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize
