well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize