i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
