Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
