when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
