ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
