I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
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