I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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