On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
