So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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