I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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