wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
