Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
