It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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