evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize