So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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