the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
