you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize