do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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