Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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