The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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