your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
