do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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