Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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