please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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