Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
