Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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