Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
