i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
