As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
