I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
