Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize