It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
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