i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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