Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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