How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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